the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
