ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
