I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
