fuck your aforementioned shoe
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Bring me that man meat
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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