Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
