when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
