Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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