The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
