i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
