another moral hangover. fuck.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
