i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
