You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
