32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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