At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
