After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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