I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he thought i was a dude.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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