I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm getting married
To pizza
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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