Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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