So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
