I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
