We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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