Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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