My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
