Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
