His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
