She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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