So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
