i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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