Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
