the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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