Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
