We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
