my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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