remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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