She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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