I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
