end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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