yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
