This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
