I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize