I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
