Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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