Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
