I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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