i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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