How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
