but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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