My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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