I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
