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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
