i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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