Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
