I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
