If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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