Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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