Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
