Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
