i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize