i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i came on her dog
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
