I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
