I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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