she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Terrible idea I love it
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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