I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
