Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When are your genitals available?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
