i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
