i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
