I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I didn't shave. On purpose
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize