I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
