You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
