Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
People in love make me want to vomit
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
