Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
