you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
