Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
