i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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