you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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