she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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