Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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