Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize