shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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