Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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