video games are the ultimate cock blocker
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
