That's when you crack a 10am beer
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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