you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Farmville is her only friend.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Randomize
