Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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