So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
