it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize