Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
