I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
