Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize