I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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