Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
