she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
