i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
