Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
