Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just invented taco cereal.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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