in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
