She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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