just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
