He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
