So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
