I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
