my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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