I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
