Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
