I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
