My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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