the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize